i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bring me that man meat
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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