stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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