Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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