dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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