and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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