How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
