walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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