You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize