y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
