i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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