my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
