i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
