I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
