My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
