So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
