meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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