I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
