THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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