So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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