If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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