I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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