who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
