I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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