Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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