just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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