I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
