Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
