I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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