my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
