Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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