I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
