Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
