Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
