I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
