I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
