This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
