the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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