we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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