Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?