So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.