Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
