At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
