do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
