yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
