after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
