You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
