pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
