the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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