Why are handjobs necessary in class?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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