just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.