If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
