Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
