I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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