'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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