When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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