The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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