I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
