i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize