Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
